and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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