He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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