I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
