Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
