How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Girls should come with a carfax report
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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