apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
