i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
