i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He? As in you personified your dick?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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