She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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