Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
