I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
