It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
