I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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