Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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