you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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