do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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