So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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