I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
