Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
