He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
