i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
