The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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