Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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