So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
