The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
false alarm, still single
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
