so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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