But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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