i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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