Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
