yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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