come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
pray to the hookup gods
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
