Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
