i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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