whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
