omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i drank out of a bidet.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
