Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
