well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
