she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
