Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.

  (863): View more from Florida

  Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  At least you don't cum in color.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground. (863): Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine. (321): At least you don't cum in color. http://tfl.nu/1kue
  Replies (15) Good night (2770) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  she started talking about my kids

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  was she topless?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): she started talking about my kids (1-940): was she topless? http://tfl.nu/rvo3
  Replies (14) Good night (806) Bad night (1840)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler http://tfl.nu/3vc3
  Replies (36) Good night (610) Bad night (5020)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip. http://tfl.nu/klsb
  Replies (50) Good night (663) Bad night (6896)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj
  Replies (22) Good night (7441) Bad night (1793)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus. http://tfl.nu/iii0
  Replies (15) Good night (1568) Bad night (5388)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him http://tfl.nu/gz84
  Replies (15) Good night (4908) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome" http://tfl.nu/e453
  Replies (4) Good night (4646) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  My lips are sealed. Both pairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): My lips are sealed. Both pairs. http://tfl.nu/26rg
  Replies (11) Good night (3272) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out. http://tfl.nu/twgf
  Replies (3) Good night (1982) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other http://tfl.nu/go45
  Replies (15) Good night (3462) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.

  (315): View more from New York

  They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers. (315): They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair. http://tfl.nu/om27
  Replies (10) Good night (1671) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA http://tfl.nu/16eo
  Replies (2) Good night (1706) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you. http://tfl.nu/0tab
  Replies (7) Good night (1225) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms. http://tfl.nu/0beo
  Replies (2) Good night (464) Bad night (624)

Randomize