I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do