There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
