just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.