Nicole vs. Life
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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