Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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