I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
