shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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