It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
