Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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