Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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