So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
