he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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