At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
