My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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