He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
