she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
