definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want a musical about memes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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