Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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