Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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