Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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