i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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