Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
