just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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