It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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