I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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