I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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