Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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