When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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