She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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