I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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