On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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