Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You made out with two different species that night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
