Swine flu. Run for my life!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
