connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
