either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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