haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
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