Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
