I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
