Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize