my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
