i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
